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The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like.” What you focus your attention on expands. Your thoughts are energy, and create a vibration which can be either positive or negative.
The Power of Your Word
The words we use are very powerful and have a big impact on how we feel. Our language provides a big clue as to where our time and focus is going. Law of Attraction expert,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Michael Losier, teaches that there are three very powerful words we commonly use that bring us results we don’t want. The words “don’t,” “not,” and “no” pull our attention to things we actually don’t desire and send out a negative vibration.
Take Action!
1. When you reflect on your divorce, where do you put your time, energy and attention? How do you feel? Spend some time journaling about this.
2. Start the habit of checking in during the day to ask yourself how do I feel?
Remember,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the Law of Attraction is about attracting that which you do want. The words you choose are powerful tools to start the attraction process. Here are questions to get you started.
Author's Bio:
Did I Attract My Divorce,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
Divorce is a painful experience, so according to the Law of Attraction, you played a part in creating that. Why would you attract such a life-altering event? How were you playing a role in your relationship breakdown? These are tough questions to find answers to,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], especially if you’re still tender from those divorce wounds.
Simply reframing these statements can be a powerful way to harness the Law of Attraction to create positive results. How do these statements feel? “Pick up the children on time,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].&#8221,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; “My divorce is a doorway to new levels of self-esteem.&#8221,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; Stating your desires in a way that you do want makes you feel more positive and open using that language.
When you and your ex got together, you were likely operating on the same page. Like two transmitter towers, you were connecting on the same frequency. Over time, you shifted to different frequencies. The clear signal was lost in a sea of static. The relationship was no longer a match for you. It can be tempting to assign blame or rationalize the failure of the relationship. But this is like trying to drive a car while looking only in the rear-view mirror. Not only are you missing the scenery,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but you’re not seeing where the potholes are in the road up ahead. Divorce happens but it has gifts to offer and you can use the Law of Attraction to move forward.
3. Write out at least 10 statements you use often that contain the words “don’t, not, no.” Rephrase them to be a statement of what you do want.
Similarly, the days you wake up feeling grateful to be alive start a different type of dynamic. The kids cooperate, you get an unexpected check in the mail and your ex pays you a compliment. A challenge comes up but you handle it with grace and success. That’s the Law of Attraction in action, which author Michael Losier defines as “I attract into my life whatever I give my thoughts, energy and attention to,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], whether positive or negative.”
What is the Law of Attraction,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
Let’s look at an example. Think of a day when you woke up feeling overwhelmed at what’s on your plate. You might have a job to do, children to feed, an ex to deal with, lawyers to meet with. Typically those mornings start the self-fulfilling prophecy where all the balls you’re juggling start to crash down on your head. According to the Law of Attraction, you helped create that downward spiral by the negative energy you put out there and where you were putting your attention.
The Law of Attraction is always in operation and the challenge for us is to become consciously aware of the kind of results we want to attract. Often we attract things into our life simply because we weren’t paying attention.
By Carolyn B. Ellis, the Official Guide To Divorce
The official guide to Entrepreneurs See all Articles by Carolyn EllisSee Carolyn Ellis&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Expert PageGet Updates on DivorceGet Updates on Carolyn Ellis Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
For example, notice where your attention goes in the following statements. “Don’t be late picking up the kids next time.” “I’m not going to let divorce ruin my self-esteem.” Your focus and attention goes to something negative, namely being late and self-esteem being ruined.
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Let’s look at some facts about ADD and ADHD: people have long observed a cluster of symptoms that occur in a person of average or above average intelligence who seems unable to function in a competent, masterful way.

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These are not the techniques that your momma taught you. No,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], those things that you learn from family, from television and movies,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], those are all things that sound good. But, they are not the techniques that actually work to build attraction with a woman. So, you need to concentrate on using things that are well known to create real intense feelings in a woman.
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You need to be able to create intense attraction with a woman, strong enough that she will not let anything get in the way of her being able to spend time with you again. And to do this the right way, then you need to know how to escalate attraction with a woman.
1. From the moment that you meet her,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you should be focused on using techniques that are PROVEN to build attraction.
2,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Make good use of little things like your eye contact with a woman,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
If you really want to make sure that she cannot resist you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], then she has to feel that powerful sexual tension that she just cannot get out of her mind. Most men will do a lot of nice things, but they completely ignore building sexual tension with a woman. If you do that, then you probably are not going to create an irresistible feeling in her. You have to be able to create sexual tension if you want things to escalate with her.
Here are some dating tips for men on how to escalate attraction with a woman so that she cannot resist YOU:
To a guy, the eyes are probably not what you would think would be a prime feature, but to a woman, they are. There are lots of polls and surveys done amongst single women, and a man's eyes always rise towards the top of the features that attract a woman's attention. Learn how to give her those seductive bedroom eyes and you will be able to get her hooked on YOU.
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Most guys that have any dating experience at all knows what it is like to feel like you did not quite do he best job that you could in making a woman feel attraction for you. You think that you are doing all of the "right" things, but when it comes time for a date, she somehow seems to always find a reason for why she just cannot make it. If this has happened to you, then you probably failed to create strong enough attraction with her to make her want to go out with you.
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However, it's critical that you get this part handled as it's the foundation of all your success with women and dating. And if all you did was get this part handled, your success with women will skyrocket. Evidence by the fact that women complain about it a lot.

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The hippocampus plays an important role in improve memory as it also helps in creating association among the various properties of an object. Even when people use different mnemonic techniques to remember new facts or repeat data,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they are actually passing the information several times through the hippocampus. Your hippocampus keeps strengthening such links among the new elements and after a while, a time is reached when it no longer needs to do the same. By then,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the cortex has developed the power to connect these various properties itself and thus reconstruct what we know as memory.
By Gianni Golfera
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Author's Bio:
Before you practice any exercise to improve your memory, you should have a clear understanding of how the human brain memory works. Learning about how your short-term and long-term memory functions will help you select the right exercises to train both of them.
Apart from the cortex and the hippocampus,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there are many other brain structures that are involved in long-term human brain memory and its various manifestations in the brain. So,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], learning about the human brain memory before embarking on your mission to enhance your brain power surely pays.
A complex part of human brain memory is the long-term memory,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], where information from the short-term memory gets transferred through the hippocampus - a part of the cortex. The hippocampus is situated in the temporal lobe's inner fold and resembles a seahorse's curved tail in shape. Various sensory regions of the cortex decode the information,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which then converges in the hippocampus. These chunks of information are then sent back to where they came from. In other words,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you can call the hippocampus to be a sorting centre,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], where new sensations are compared with those recorded earlier.
The short-term memory is also called the working memory. When you need to hold on to some information temporarily for completing a task,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], certain regions of your brain,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], especially the pre-frontal lobe,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], become very active. Remembering some digits as "carrying over" during a subtraction, holding onto the points of your persuasive argument during a debate when you are about to take the stage after another person finishes talking,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or exploring several possible solutions in a game of chess etc are some examples where the prefrontal region of your brain is in charge.
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Think about your wonderful attributes and not your faults. Take an inventory of your values, skills, talents, interests and “heart”. This is the beauty you present to the world. Leave all your negative thoughts behind at home.

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The best thing yet is that you will not have to stop working just so that you can sit back and listen to this music but you can listen as you work and let the music continue even as you sleep. What you should know about free subliminal technology is that the subconscious mind perceives things the conscious mind cannot perceive. Therefore,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], whether you are asleep or awake,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the subliminal message will get to your inner mind.
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There is nothing cultic about subliminal technology. The truth is that this is the only way that you can be able to utilize at least a bigger percentage of your brainpower and become a better you. You have to admit that if you want a better life,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], then you have to utilize all the potentials that lie untapped in the mind. However, this is not in the conscious mind but it is in the subconscious mind. Really,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], who you are is defined by your subconscious/sublime mind. You cannot utilize the potential of the subconscious mind until you know how to access it and that is why you have to get the free subliminal music CDs and eBooks to help you along.
That is not the only good news because you do not have to pay a cent to access this mean machine, that is,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], your subconscious mind. All you have to do is find the free music for self-improvement on the internet and then you will be in for greater things and prospects. Unbelievably,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the free subliminal music will work wonders for you and will help you unleash the full potential of your mind. All you are required to have is a computer that is connected to the internet and then you can download all the free music that you need.
While the conscious mind does take a rest when we sleep, the subconscious mind does not. That is why you have to use music to access this inner mind even when you are asleep. This is where our true being lies. Many men and women have turned their lives around simply by being able to tap into the potential of the subconscious mind. Luckily, you too can be able to do this and in the process,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you are going to become a better and unique you. If only people would know that their brain is a gold mine, and then find ways to utilize it to the full.
Within the free subliminal music, there will be embedded affirmations. As you listen to the music,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], your subconscious mind absorbs the affirmations embedded in the music,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which the conscious mind cannot hear. Subliminal messaging has been used for a long time to help people overcome fears and cases of low self-esteem. Containing only positive affirmation about oneself,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], at last there is now an opportunity for everyone to improve their personalities and their character. Such free subliminal music helps in self-improvement a lot. But you haven’t heard it all yet. Subliminal music can be used on children as well as adults. In fact, children who listen to subliminal music do better in their class work and they turn into better citizens in the future
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If you look around you will find people who are great sources of encouragements; create positive influences and bring joy to your heart I call then our Energy Boosters
You will also find some people who are very judgmental full of negative emotions and may be unnecessarily make you feel sad or tensed I call these types of people as our Energy Suckers
These are the people that you live within your family; you may work with them every day or meet them occasionally in your church or in get-together They are always around you in your life Among these people the Energy Suckers are the difficult people to deal with
Usually when you face a situation of abrasiveness or rudeness you feel threatened by the Energy Suckers and try to protect yourself by becoming defensive But that does not bring peace and most of the time causes severe tension
What is the best way to deal with the difficult people with control and poise What can you do to improve your attitude and change your response
Stop Hurting Self and Release Grudge:
When you feel someone is attacking you being brutal and critical it is usually not about you; actually they are reflecting their own negativity in their out bursts They are showing their own limitations and lack as they are speaking up to let their negative emotional charges to release It is not wise to take it as your personal offence When you detached yourself from that malice you stop hurting self knowing that it is only their negative outlooks As you stop immediate response with negativity the negative energy stops before it enters your space so you have less tension and anger If you focus on taking deep breaths and bring your mind back to your heart deciding not to response before you cool off you become the observer when you can release your grudge and bring calmness being centered
Change your Outlook and your Responses:
As you feel threatened you ego reacts with fighting attitudes and your responses bring more conflicts But remember negativity brings more negativity and conflict creates more conflicts very soon two egos engage into impulsive combats and generate huge negative emotional spirals It will never bring peace to you heart but only feeds to your ego being defensive It may cause severe stress and anger for everybody involved
The ego can go on and on for endless cycles of self-defense and meaningless attempts of denial or self- defense But the truth cannot be established in the process If you think your peace and contentment are more important than the conflict then it is always better to say your truth very firmly and politely But do not over react and do not bring the conflict in the process If necessary say your truth again as needed but do not feel the need to explain it unnecessary Everybody has the right to have different outlooks but that does not make your opinion false Just remember you are making the point by clearly expressing your view which may be different from the others in a polite and firm manner But there is absolutely no need to bring the conflict
Stop Attracting More Negativity:
As you change your attitude towards negativity and do not respond conflict with conflict you stop the negative emotional spirals You may look deeper into the situation and see if you need to learn something meaningful Go deeper into your heart and ask silently what lesson do I need to learn now And see your inner responses Your inner responses always bring you a possibility of growth Whenever your focus is on a positive attitude you attract more of the similar kinds of uplifting energy As you are bringing your focus on a better outlook rather that the conflict you are attracting positive energy It is a great learning for your ego to stop being tense and bringing more conflict for self-defense but resolving the issue in absolutely at a higher level of awareness This approach may also teach you something deeper; it will help you regain your control It will make you understand that you may not be able to change the other person’s view but it is a great opportunity giving you a better option of knowing how to respond with positivity It is also important to know that you have the ultimate control over your own response and you do not have to be influence by the other’s opinion or abrasive attitude As you overcome your challenge of impulsive reaction of your ego and choose a better response you become empowered By getting into a better mode you stop holding on to your grudge and do not lose your peace of mind and clarity So the unhappiness stops at that very moment it does not bleed over to other areas of your life
Keep Your Stress Level under Check:
As you decide to response to aggressive attacks with calmness and poise or no response at all by choice you become much balanced within The stress level remain low and under control It ascertains better health and happiness It may also give you the feeling of empowerment and confidence But remember it takes lots of practice to change your ego led behavior permanently So at the beginning you may be caught off guard but do not be disheartened Take couple of deep breathe and connect with your heart center to listen carefully what your soul is telling you Follow your heart to find the peaceful way to regain your stand Remember that the practice makes you perfect If you decide that you will not give way to hurtful conflicts and resolve the issue in peaceful firmness then respect your choice and follow your heart as your best You still may make some mistakes and sometimes go back to your ego self but overtime with your inner guidance you will eventually find the way to keep your ego on check and develop your emotional intelligence It will improve your mental as well as physical health in many ways
Forgiveness and Prayer:
When someone is offensive then forgiveness can bring calmness to you As you know you may not have power to change other people’s negative behavior but you can definitely give them a better chance to heal as you forgive them When you see their negativity as their own limited attitude rather than personal attack on you you gain power to forgive them As you do not carry the burden of anger conflict and irritation on you as well remember to forgive yourself as well If you may feel the responsibility in some way take couple of deep breaths connect with your heart center and let go the resentment and irritation Release the offensive person with forgiveness and feel the relief Then do the same for your own self See you are releasing self from all kinds of stress tension and negativity and allowing forgiveness to embrace you If you believe in any higher power like God Angels or Christ you may ask for guidance and blessings to resolve the issue in peace It may be a short form of meditation that will bring calmness at your heart and make you feel truly relaxed Meditation helps to calm down your irritated ego and bring you closer to your soul Practicing meditation regularly is very powerful tools to bring your emotional balance helps you to deal with difficult people in a more peaceful way Author's Bio: Author's Bio: It damages our mental and physical stamina. Author's Bio:
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Friendship makes life easier to handle, and makes a marriage infinitely richer in all aspects. It is the unbreakable tie that binds two people. Couples who have stayed happily married are those who understand what true friendship is all about. It creates a deeper trust in marriage—couples know that they can depend on each other especially through the bad times,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and this creates a peace of mind and a sense of tranquility in the relationship. Yes, love is important,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], however, it can be less permanent (people can fall in and out of love a number of times). A genuine friendship is more durable, so make your spouse your best friend for life!
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They will support one another and are less likely to betray each other. They will do everything they can to make the relationship work, and be each other’s staunchest supporter. Friendship makes the bond between spouses stronger, with the joys of shared memories, of nostalgia and plans for a wonderful life ahead. One fear that most couples harbor secretly is that their relationship would become boring and stale after a number of years. After all,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], doesn’t familiarity breed contempt? When a couple shares a genuine companionship,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], familiarity breeds content,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], not contempt. In turn, this contentment can bring about feelings of fulfillment, warmth and unwavering assurance in a life shared together in love and friendship.
Men and women say and perceive things differently, making communication all the more important. If a married couple are the best of friends and the closest of companions, it’s easy to have an open and honest communication. It is the type of union where each person’s comfort level goes beyond 100%, and what one says or do will not be judged or taken negatively. Although being married can lessen one’s sense of separateness, it doesn’t mean that people will never experience loneliness. A strong friendship in a marriage creates feelings of kindness and devotion when the couple have their interests at heart.
Every expert,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], marriage counsellor or therapist have their own list of the qualities of a good marriage. There are two words, though, that has consistently stayed on almost every relationship advice, articles and columns about happy marriages: true friendship. Love and sex are equally important, but it is true friendship that binds a marriage strong, like a rock that can weather any storm. When a couple knows each other inside out—from each other’s likes and dislikes,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hopes,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], ambitions, habits and mannerisms—then what they have is genuine friendship. Friendship is simply the foundation of a strong and happy marriage. To elaborate further, here are a few reasons why it is essential in a marriage.
By Ruth Purple
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A marriage built on friendship will be filled with wonderful memories of laughter and humour. In the dating world,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it’s pretty usual for singles to look for a mate with a sense of humour. After all,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a humorous person is always more attractive than a sulky one right? This quality is even more important because a couple who knows how to laugh together amidst life’s everyday chaos can lighten tense situations and ease each other’s stresses. This kind of fondness between couples creates a relaxed intimacy that can ultimately bring happiness even in the later years. One area in marriage that often creates conflict is communication.
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In the first example, Speaker B actively listened to A, and A was able to clarify the message for B. In the second case, B used Active Listening to show understanding and acceptance of A’s feelings, allowing A’s anger to fade once it was expressed. The two could then go on to a problem-solving discussion unhampered by antagonism.
Active Listening can help communication in several significant ways.
1. It slows down the communication process, offering more time to think, feel, and reflect.
2. It helps clarify the communication.
3. It raises the speaker’s self-esteem by demonstrating an interest in what the speaker is saying.
4. It can help defuse the speaker’s anger or emotional state letting him or her know that you hear, accept (but not necessarily approve) and understand.
5. It helps the speaker clarify his or her own thinking by giving some feedback on what feelings and attitudes you are hearing.
4. I don’t believe it! You’re asking me to You’re angry because you think
wash the dishes again? that I’m being unfair.
6. Sometimes, I don’t even know why I You’re ready to give up. You bother trying. think that it’s useless to keep
trying, that things never change.
A. One person speaks (sends a message) to another person.
B,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. The message sent is received by the second person and hopefully understood in the way it was intended.
C. Clarification is sought in order to help insure that the correct message was delivered.
5. All they give a damn about in here is You’re frustrated because they the almighty dollar. don’t understand your problem.
Now that you understand the Active Listening skill, think back to a conversation that was a problem in terms of relating to another person. Describe it to your self – write it down or say it out loud. Write down or say the Active Listening formula that could rectify the condition. Take your earliest opportunity to revive the conversation with that person and use your new skill to heal the rift and lift the relationship to a higher level.
He: I’m feeling anxious about dinner with my family.
She: So you are nervous about next week,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
He: Yeah,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]! You know what a pain in the butt my brother can be.
She: You really have a hard time with him.
He: I guess I’ll just deal.
She: You’ll figure it out as it comes at you.
He: Wow! You’re so great to talk to.
You really helped me. I feel better.
Listening is hard work. Countless thoughts interrupt our focus, distracting us and blocking our understanding of one another. All too often,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we are more interested in expressing our thoughts, than in hearing someone else’s. Obstacles to good communication magically melt away when we learn how to truly listen to another person.
ONE: The message sent may not have been received in the way that it was intended. It is essential to clarify the message.
TWO: Good loving listening, which is at the heart of a successful relationship, requires true understanding and reflection. The person you are in relationship with will feel understood and nurtured, and will want to return the favor.
Here’s a tip. To practice Active Listening take your very next opportunity in a conversation with just about anyone you know to really listen to the speaker’s statement, and then reiterate the content and feelings that you heard expressed in her message.
How: Reflect, mirror, paraphrase, repeat, or summarize what you hear, as opposed to defend or fix.
Effective listening requires that you:
1. Abandon your own point of view for the moment,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
2. Concentrate on what the other person is saying,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
3. Clarify the speaker’s message,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
4. Deal with the feelings the message is arousing.
In short, it demands that you actively listen.
DIRECTIONS: Now that you have identified the feelings being expressed, try to determine the content of the message as well. By putting the two together, you are Actively Listening. Note below, in the left column is the message sent. Cover up the right column,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and say or write your own response. Keep in mind both feeling and content (cause for feeling) in the right hand column as part of your response.
Why: This way of communicating frees your partner to be honest with you and encourages him to reveal himself. Therefore, you can be completely available to be supportive of your partner’s true feelings and concerns.
This feedback process is called Active Listening and is a relationship-rescuer. In this case the husband had initially misunderstood his wife. His investigation, however, elicited her feedback that illustrated his error, and allowed her to send yet another message that clarified her initial communication. The husband was now enabled to respond to her original message lovingly and effectively by saying, "You had a rough day and want me to know about it." What a happy ending!
Here’s another example:
Speaker A: “Joe should not have been a supervisor in my office.”
Speaker B: “You think Joe is a poor supervisor.”
Speaker A: “No, he’s a good supervisor. It’s just that he belongs in sales, not production.”
2. No matter what I do, nobody seems You’re disappointed that your
to care. opinion doesn’t seem to matter.
On another case in point:
Speaker A: “That’s the last straw! Can’t you leave me alone? Why do you always tell me what to do and then repeat yourself two or three times? It’s like you think I’m an idiot or something.”
Speaker B: “You feel picked on because I’m neurotic and I tend to repeat myself.”
Speaker A: “Yes! Do you know this really makes me feel like I’m in boot camp again.”
Speaker B: “How about our taking another look at our household task assignments?”
3. What do you mean I’ve been late the You’re surprised that I’ve kept
last three times we’ve met for dinner? track of some of your bad
habits.
Upon hearing what his wife said, the husband could check on the accuracy of his understanding, by relating his understanding of her message. He can do this by actually guessing his wife’s thoughts – the result of his encoding process, and expressing them to her. "You want me to make dinner because you are so tired." Now, hearing her husband's feedback, the wife is able to tell her husband that he decoded incorrectly. She could then tell him that what she really meant by her initial statement which had been, "I'm so exhausted, it's been a rotten day," was to just let him know how she felt, but that she nevertheless planned to make dinner since it was her turn to do so.
9. Five lousy minutes! You’re carrying on You’re upset because you think because I was ready to leave five minutes I’m making an issue over five early. minutes,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Communication can break down when the message sent (as well as the underlying feeling that is implied in it) is not comprehended by the receiver.
Many years ago I discovered a program called Parent Effectiveness Training that enabled me to speak with my children in a most effective manner. One particular skill from this program has proven equally useful in conversations with adults. More effective than passive listening (silence,) Active Listening is an extraordinary way for two people to connect. Be they parent/child, employer/employee, friend/friend, husband/wife,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], adult child/parent, this skill will enhance the relationship.
For Example:
By Rita Bigel-Casher, LCSW, PhD
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7. I will not! You’re always picking on me You’re really mad because you Get someone else. think that I’m being unfair to
you.
OTHERS’ STATEMENT YOUR RESPONSE
1. All I ever do around here You’re really fed up with doing
is clean up after you. doing work that you think
belongs to me.
For example, when after a day’s work, the wife greets the husband with the message, "I'm so exhausted, it's been a rotten day." She may be communicating her need to simply relate her current state of mind and body. Her spouse on the other hand, may decode her message as a demand for him to cook tonight's dinner. In reaction to his own misinterpretation, he then becomes angry because he doesn’t respond well to a demand,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and/or cannot or does not want to meet it. Unfortunately, he has misunderstood his wife’s need to have him just listen,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and instead he barks, “I’m sick and tired of your complaints, I’m tired too.”
Here is the problem. Neither partner knows what the other’s thoughts were – there are no crystal bowls handed out during the marriage ceremony. The only way to find out is to develop a curiosity and interest in where the other person may be coming from.
Communication in a conversation occurs when:
To be an effective communicator and improve your relationships, you will want to begin to practice this important skill of Active Listening. All you need do is understand two concepts that so many people confuse.
ACTIVE LISTENING:
What: The ability to respond to what someone is saying by maintaining an emotional distance. This requires the listener to suspend judgment and subdue her resulting feelings or response. To use this tool successfully, it is particularly important to learn how to defer your own reactions.
8. I can’t live under these prison-like You’re discouraged, you want conditions. to do your best but you can’t
without some cooperation
from me.
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Love is very difficult to define as it means different things to so many people but underlying the expression of all forms of love is a feeling that flows between two or more people that fulfills our needs and expectations. Love is also often used to describe some activity we are very passionate about.
Everyone has a natural desire to be loved. As children, we all want our parent’s love and approval. Children will do whatever they deem necessary to get that love whether it means being good, being submissive or even experiencing some form of abuse. The unfortunate part of our need for love is that it does not encourage our being self empowered. It puts us in a position of always putting the needs and wants of others in front of our own in order to receive love.
When we love ourselves we are in the best position to be able to love others. This is due to the fact that we now have a positive experience of what love looks like. When we can accept ourselves completely, it is much easier to accept others with their faults and differences. When we love and accept ourselves, we do not sacrifice what we want in order to loved. We are able to express our needs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], create and maintain boundaries and manifest what we want. We are not so vulnerable, so needy or dependent on others. This makes us strong and confident.
If we grew up in homes where the display,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], expression or discussion of feelings was not encouraged or permitted, we will experience difficulties expressing ourselves in adulthood. We may feel uncomfortable or be out of touch with our feelings. We may try to hide this difficulty by drinking alcohol, eating and/or smoking too much, being unavailable, fearful of exposure or believing if we say how we really feel, we will be rejected. All of the above forms of compensation do not lead us to becoming empowered adults.
Most people feel loved when another person(s) make them feel special and fulfills their inner needs and expectations. These needs and expectations,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], when examined closely,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], are often tied to what we were exposed to in childhood. Almost 99% of people marry their parents. If you are like your mother, you will look for a partner like your father. If you are like your dad, you will seek a partner who has the personality of your mother. Your sex and the sex of the parent are immaterial. It is the personality patterns we tend to replicate.
I know this to be true because I have had many people tell me they always get attracted to the same type of person and land up in similar patterns of relationships. If you doubt this is true, ask yourself which parent are you closer to in personality style and what type of partners do you attract into your life? Do they have characteristics of the opposite parent, the one whose love and approval you are seeking? I invite you to examine your own life for the truth of what I am saying.
We say we love our partners, our children,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], our family members,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], friends, activities we like to do,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], places we have been - surely this expresses different forms or levels of love. It might be wise to examine the level of feelings we hold for different people and activities as I am sure it is not always comparable, even though we use the word love to express our feelings.
Author's Bio:
When we say “I love you” to someone, what are we really trying to convey? Is this an expression of love determined by our family, cultural or society’s standards of behavior? Is it the fulfillment of our needs and expectations by another? Is it determined by media exposure of what we believe love is supposed to look like? Do we say “I love you” to keep others close to us, to ensure our place in their lives, to reassure ourselves? This is a question we all need to ask ourselves as we use the word love rather loosely in our culture.
By Sharon Cheney
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Some people only feel loved when they have the approval of their parents, family members and the society in which they live. When we act outside of accepted behavior patterns, we risk loosing the love of those we hold near and dear. Some people are afraid to love for fear of loss or rejection. Some people believe there is no one to love them because they are unlovable or don’t desire to be loved. Some people have such high expectations about love that they cannot be fulfilled.
When we are able to love ourselves unconditionally, we experience an opening of the heart that extends not only to ourselves but to everyone on the planet. Just imagine what the world would look like if we all went around loving ourselves and everyone else. It would be magical. This is where we are all going eventually even if our progress is slow.
If you wish to subscribe to my monthly FREE newsletters,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], please go to and click on Free Newsletter. Previous newsletters are available on my website under Newsletter Archives.
Have you ever noticed that our feelings change over time? When people marry they promise to be together until death but as the years go by,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], our feeling change because we have changed. When we evolve, it is only natural to feel differently about people in our lives. Life is about change and if we fail to learn from our experiences, we prohibit our own growth and perhaps the growth of others. Whether we choose to stay in old relationships or not, it best to examine our choices and make sure we are there for the right reasons and not out of security or fear of moving forward. It is always best to be honest with yourself.
Love is a topic that is so broad I could continue to address how our need for love affects us throughout our lives. I hope you will examine your feelings of love for yourself and others and the kind of love you desire to attract into your life. If you need any help to recognize any old beliefs or patterns you are holding onto that may need changing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], please feel free to contact me. I am available for personal and telephone readings and empowerment coaching by calling me at 505 474-6363 or 514 312-2451 or contacting me through my website.
It also encourages us to stay in the same patterns of behavior we experienced as children. For example, if we only received love by being submissive and doing what we were told,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we will continue this behavior in our adult relationships unless we make a conscious effort to change. If we experienced any form of abuse, we will unconsciously seek this form of love in our adult relationships because this is the only model of love we recognize.
We all have shopping list of qualities we want in an ideal mate or friends. Unfortunately, our wishes are not always fulfilled. We need to understand that the relationships we attract into our lives have a lot to do with our family patterning but also with the soul lessons we choose for this lifetime. In order to understand this concept, we need to look upon all our relationships as learning opportunities. The people we attract into our lives have the same lessons to learn that we do. That is why they are there. There are no accidents. We agreed prior to incarnation to interact with these people during our lifetime. So the best question you can ask yourself is not “Are you happy?” but “What can you learn from your relationships?” If you notice that you have the same dynamics occurring with different people time and time again, this should be proof positive that you are repeating old patterns of behavior instead of learning from your relationships and moving on.
When parents teach us to do as they say in order to get love,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it discourages us from listening to our own inner guidance, being spontaneous or acting on our own initiative. It discourages the use of our intelligence and natural creativity. Many parents being highly concerned about the health and safety of their children do not allow them to make their own decisions or use their abilities. This causes problems as adults such as being fearful of new situations, not trusting in our ability to solve problems and difficulty taking responsibility for the choices we make and their consequences. We need to allow our children to make their own decisions and experience the consequences within limits that do not compromise their health and safety or how will they ever learn these skills.
If we were abused as children, regardless of the form, we will likely parent our children in the same way we were parented because that was the role model we experienced, unless we make a conscious effort not to repeat it. Statistically, there is a high probability that children who are abused will abuse their children in the same way. They do not do this consciously but since this was the form of love they experienced, they tend to repeat it.
Not everyone has the same capacity for love. This is due to our up-bringing, personalities and willingness to examine and express our feelings. When someone says “I love you”, their love may not take the form of love you desire. Too often people try to interpret these words with the meaning they would like to hear. The person saying “I love you” is saying that you are fulfilling his or her needs and wants, not yours. Often in our desire and need for love, we are willing to accept less than we deserve. We are willing to put our needs on the back burner so to speak, in order to receive love us even if the form of love expressed is abusive, co-dependent or manipulative. It might be wise to ask yourself if your relationships really fulfill your needs or do you stay in these relationships for other reasons.
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Firstly you have to accept that there is a problem andresolve to do something about it. Once you are determined tobring your house in order you can start to change your life.You of course need to see an advisor for sorting out yourfinancial problems,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but at the same time you can start toreflect on how you will live without debt.
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One useful technique to transform your life is to write yourown financial obituary,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. It would explain how you previouslylived by spending more money than you had but that youdecided to do something about it and became debt free,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. It'sa simple device but a very powerful one as it externaliseswhat you will be doing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. You are writing an obituary tosignify that the old you is no longer and that the new youis being reborn.
If you follow up writing your financial obituary with awritten contract with yourself so much the better. It shouldstate what you intend to do and how you intend to do it. Itmight mention your commitment to living frugally or list theways that you intend to increase your income. It does notmatter, as long as it is real to you and you sign it!
(c) Steven Erlick. All Rights Reserved,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Debt is not usually considered to be a positive event inyour life but it can be. Uncontrolable debt can act as acatalyst for change,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. The trick is to take charge of yourmoney and debt so that you are in control,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
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Call me a bit slow on the uptake, but this is a revelation. Food is never going to make me a better person. It’s an inanimate object, for chrissakes. It has no control over me or my emotions. Food is never going to fill a void in my heart – not now, not ever.
Hold up. This is a familiar scene in my life: Things aren’t going right and I turn to whatever food is present and available in large quantity. Maybe you can relate.
So in mid-handful, I put the chips down. I pushed the bag across the table and told myself, “No amount of potato chips is ever going to make me feel like enough.”
I had presumably my final conversation with my ex last night; the kind of conversation in which you realize that things are never going to work out, that you’re two people who just aren’t meant to be together. That kind of conversation can be heart-breaking. I know I certainly felt like I was giving up, even if by all logical and rational means I knew that it just wasn’t gonna happen.
Have you ever experienced a breakup where you felt like this? What did YOU do? What advice would you have for yourself from back then?
After we hung up, I found myself in the kitchen… next to a bag of potato chips. I’m not really a big fan of chips, especially not the Utz kind. But I was in a funk and I just sat at my computer deleting pictures of the two of us and shoveling chips into my face. I’m sure you can picture it: Poring over old photos,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], reminiscing, munching away. Crunch,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], crunch, crunch. Salty, fatty,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], crispiness taking over my taste buds – as if any amount of potato chips could wash away my pain.
3. You are enough. Without food, without a guy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], without anybody else telling you so – YOU ARE ENOUGH! You can find love, happiness, and peace within yourself. Happiness doesn’t come in a bag of potato chips (or a box of cookies, or a pint of ice cream,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or... you get my point), it comes from the heart.
2. Emotions have to be felt. Eating might make them go away for a time, but eventually they’re going to resurface. Better to experience them now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in conjunction with the original trigger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], than to experience them at some later point.
1. Food can’t, and won’t,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], make things better. Food cannot fill a void in your heart or in your soul. Grieve, if you must; cry if the tears come; scream away your pain. It is OK to feel the emotion you’re experiencing.
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Fast-forward to today and here’s my advice to myself of last night (this applies to any heartbroken girl out there and pretty much any other instance where you might emotionally eat):
HOLY. EFFING. SHIT,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. No amount of potato chips is ever going to make me feel like enough.
By Shannon Lagasse
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You may or you may not know that I’m in the after-effect processing stage of a breakup right now. And if you’ve seen any chick flick since the history of ever,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you know that this is usually a pretty emotional time – one that’s also usually accompanied by enough sugar to make even my sweet tooth hurt.
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Back to school again, and smell the taste of summer, a faint, sweet.
the temperature of the sun is high but the body temperature, as in the leaves, shining on the road, on my body, warm.
a group of teenagers on the shoulder,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], passes through the basketball field, I watched them, they smile with angle background dormitory disappear.
I couldn't help thinking that, and a group of a group of youth,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], their arms.
girl flower skirt,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I will never be able to untie the knot.
and the impression to her, is a slender,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], soft with erosion.
a no matter how many years of wind and rain and as hard as stone heart, soften, become sour.
them always with the intoxicating fragrance, let me deeply infatuated with.
thank my miss, the most beautiful and bring her to me.A window
the leaf covered,
once I've been guarding.
today,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as the girl's dormitory, become a boys dream of.
I think of that year, this time, I and my deskmate climb on the window sill look down, look at the beautiful girl.
they flowing hair, ah ~ so beautiful,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and then have a look yourself, ugly.
because of shyness, love the colorful and mysterious.
we always talk about love, I no longer look forward to love every hour and moment.
today,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], no one talked about that topic and I shy.
today, when the shy of the topic,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I bring unpredictable troubles in occasionally when.
dear classmates, you is it right? Is being troubled?
was fortunately, I can always go back to school, looking for the youth.
can I have a look with a long hair girl.
after leaving school, our youth to stay here, but with us, the world without end.
dear classmates, you are not around, I should go there?
life not because our confusion and doubt will give a good answer,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
life not because we fear for our resolution.
when we use the trembling steps out a step forward, the Mongolian and the ash society, cruel to carry us into the.
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